Dear Simon

This week, I finally knocked a book off of my Audible wish list which has been on there for a while. That book was “Simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda”¹. More accurately, I’ve ‘read’ this book three times in a week. As usual, spoiler warning. The audiobook equivalent of being so into a book that you don’t want to put it down is listening to long sections at a time and specifically creating excuses to listen to more. I listened to all of ‘Simon …’ in basically one sitting.

This is not to say the book is good. It is not. If it were a TV show, it would be a passable American high school drama at best with some interesting themes and a main character who, from most perspectives including his own, is a monumental idiot. The problem is, he’s also a relatable idiot. There are instances of conversations in the book which I have had in the past almost word for word.

‘Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda’ tells, through first person and epistolary narrative, the proceedings of the academic year in which the eponymous Simon falls in love by email with someone known only as ‘Blue’, comes out not entirely on his terms, and goes through the general low-level issues of being seventeen.

It is the archetype of pop YA-fiction. It features a protagonist who is written in a stream of consciousness style using (by and large) language you’d have expected real people of that age to use when the book came out, who is part of a group traditionally marginalised and finding his place in the world, and who clearly is trying his best to do right by the people around him. In Blue and Simon’s emails, we see a relationship building via email in which both participants are finding and gradually expanding their boundaries. It explores the idea of parents being represented as insensitive or overbearing, finally coming to the conclusion that they are well-meaning but flawed. Whether intentional or not, there is a definite sense that this is a book which intends to improve the reader’s perspective of the world if read at a particular stage in their development. Simon may be against the homo sapiens agenda, but there’s likely some agenda behind how he is portrayed.

Except the coming out thing doesn’t really scare me.
I don’t think it scares me.

It’s a giant holy box of awkwardness, and I won’t pretend I’m looking forward to it. But it probably wouldn’t be the end of the world.

‘Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda’ by Becky Albertali

The titular ‘homo sapiens agenda’ is never truly explained. There are some comments about how the world is based on implicit assumptions; in Simon’s case on the part of his friends, his sexuality, and in Blue’s case on Simon’s part, who he is. Simon and Blue emphasise that you’re more likely to see evidence for something which you’re looking for to be true. They at one point bemoan that you would never have to have the awkward conversation about your sexuality if you’re straight; that just because you conform to the societal norm doesn’t mean that you should get out of having to announce it. This is something I’ve expressed in the past, although from the perspective that it shouldn’t be necessary for anyone.

I don’t actually know why I connected with the book as much as I did. Part of me thinks that I’m just a sucker for a plot in which someone actually ends up happier for once. I enjoy the fact that it is clearly set in the real world, with references to songs which I could then look up to get more of a feel for the character. Perhaps it is a feeling that Simon represents the version of myself which could have been had circumstances been different when I was seventeen. Does this mean that I’m consuming it as wish-fulfilment literature?

Now she’s done and there calling someone
Such a familiar name
I’m so glad that my memory’s remote
’Cos I’m doing just fine hour to hour, note to note

‘Waltz No. 2 (XO)’ by Elliott Smith

The fact that I am willing to actively review this book in a ‘public’ forum in the first place is a step forward. My life is about to move into its next stage, which is terrifying, and I have seen how five years can make an enormous difference to how I see and interact with the world. I have seen that the societal expectations of me can be changed, and at the rate at which I’m comfortable. From hour to hour, I find ways to deal with my problems beyond simply ignoring them, and realise that as things fade into memories and then away, the person that I am is left changed, neither for better nor worse, but for a more rounded personality.

I just hope to find a Blue.