As Yet Untitled

I’ve had a weird August. After the excitement and adventure of my travels and travails in July, it was a relief to be back in Edinburgh and sleeping back in my own bed. There are small pleasures in my life, like my daily wander down to Scotmid to check out what they have reduced today, and having a regular social calendar again even if that meant braving the tourists. Despite this, I’ve started to want to travel again, more strongly than I did in June. Moving away for work (though still never back to England) doesn’t seem so bad, if it’s only for a year or three and I can come back.

Job hunting, because alas I didn’t get the job I was so stressed about, is teaching me that I don’t really know what I want. If I knew what I wanted, I could make plans about how to achieve it, and display the driven and passionate person I claim to be on my CV. If I were somewhat more creative, I could try to go it alone — start a company, make the next killer app, something like that. I’m not though, let’s be honest. I’m running out of ideas for this blog again, and this is mostly just me waffling at my computer screen for a couple of hours a month.

I’m getting a little sick of feeling like I’ve wasted the last five years. I did enjoy my degree, and I’ve grown and changed in ways my 19 year old self would never have thought imaginable. The fact it’s proving impossible to find something to do in my field, or on the tangent I’d prefer to be in, makes me think I made the wrong decision to pursue theoretical physics. I don’t have the skills, apparently, to sidestep into software engineering. I’ve lost count of he number of jobs I’ve applied for, and had a response to the effect that I seem really impressive, but there are just others more skilled.

There will be a place in the universe for me. I don’t know where. I’m currently somewhat content with what I’m doing, because in reality I’m still just on my summer holiday. In two weeks time, I have a feeling I will be becoming restless.