Speechless

It has been a trying few months, in exceptional circumstances. In many ways we as humanity have adapted to life in our own limited spheres astonishingly well. A few months ago the idea that we would have limited numbers allowed in supermarkets, a general order to remain at home as much as possible and most commercial activities halted would have been unthinkable, yet here we are, ostensibly finally reaching the other side. The end is still not in sight though, with everyone still unsure when and whether we will have a vaccine for the virus any time soon.

On Thursday, I went to give blood. It’s not a teribly exciting story, except for me, it was the first time I’d been in contact with other humans in approximately normal circumstances in over two months. I’ve not had a particularly hard time of the last few months --- I have a full time job I can easily do from home, nobody I know has been noticeably unwell, and there has been no shortage of opportunity for conversation albeit remotely. The evidence for a wider happening is still obvious, from the one way system in the Co-op to the lack of buses running past my flat, it just largely hasn’t come into my sphere of influence. I have also been avoiding broadcast media, and reducing my consumption of the news in general, in line with the advice on maintaining your mental health in this time.

When some news breaks so hard and fast that I notice it immediately, therefore, it is extremely worrying. I will not explicitly comment on the Dominic Cummings fiasco here, as the stituation is still ongoing, and the whole thing defies belief and description.

Suffice it to say though, I’m furious. I’m also furious that parliament is returning to sit without the hybrid system they’ve been operating since the instruction to stay at home¹ was issued. It working ‘well enough’ apparently isn’t good enough for the government. I am not going to discuss this any further, just imagine that I’m screaming into a void.

It’s a special situation
Online communication
But all I want, but all I want, but all I want
Is to do this with you.

And I know when it’s all over
We’ll be stronger than before
And all I want, and all I want
Is you.

“Where We Wanna Be” - Daði Freyr

I am worried, as I am often, that the return to normality which is coming eventually will not include a return to being able to do the things I enjoy with the people I love. In the period we’re finally coming to the end of, we have managed to do some music, and do it well together. After the weekend which should have been EUWB tour, my first I was not going on in four years, this worry has been brought into sharp focus. The Scottish government’s framework for rebuilding after the virus includes requirements at every level for physical distancing, which is not possible in a band situation in the spaces we have available. The university is considering not returning to physical teaching until after Christmas, which I don’t think is entirely feasible, especially for the sciences. Despite having graduated, my social life is still inextricably linked to the comings and goings of students, so this fills me with dread. I don’t believe that it will never return to normal, the normal we knew before not the “new” normal which is being touted, but the timescale is a phantom we simply cannot pin down.

This time last year, I started planning for my trip around Europe, visiting friends and travelling to places I had always wanted to go. The thing which I struggled with was the isolation, when in a place on my own and my particular personality quirks making it impossible to start random conversations. Yet the period of isolation I’ve been in now has been twelve times the length of my longest gap on my own while I was away and I’ve still not quite broken yet. The reason for this probably has to do with being in my own home, with the things I need and somewhere to block out the world. As the summer rolls into autumn however, and the prospect becomes more bleak for social contact, only time will tell how we all cope.

We’ll meet again,
Don’t know where, don’t know when,
But I know we’ll meet again
Some sunny day.
Keep smiling through,
Just like you always do,
‘Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away.

“We’ll Meet Again”

Stay safe, stay sane.